Of Exceptionally Devious Plots and Greasy Imitation Heavens
by Vestina
Summary: When a mysterious, god-like figure descends from the sky, what is Thomas Barrow supposed to do but follow the handsome Loki to America for world domination? ONESHOT.


**Author's Note: So this is it... A collision of two insanely impossible, yet so compatible worlds. One, a servant for powerful Lord of England, the other a god immortalized in Norse mythology. The couple name is still in the works, but that is where you, oh most wonderful readers come in; can you create the Loki-Barrow couple name? Review the most creative one you can think of! **

**This piece was written in collaboration with Fantasy4All when the two of us realized that these two beautiful, raven haired men were all alone in their devious, and slightly evil lives. Through this epiphany we decided that the best way to remedy this was through an explosive, humorous, and ever so slightly sensual fan fiction. **

**Please, do enjoy this work of literary art that mixes the Masterpiece of PBS with the Marvel big screen. Speaking of which, the following characters are not owned by us writers, but rather belong to either Julian Fellows or Stan Lee. And so without further ado, the crossover between Thor and Downton Abbey we have all been waiting for...**

It was a stormy and dark night. Thomas Barrow sat at the local tavern drowning his sorrows in rather cheap whiskey.

The pub door flew open, and in the distance, Thomas could see lightning in the sky. The clouds seemed to open up and a figure descended, swathed in light. Thomas' hands began to shake. This strange behavior in the sky was foreign for the sleepy, yet extremely gossipy town surrounding the Abbey. Thomas decided he didn't really care about this unusual phenomenon because he had just ordered another drink, and it would be a shame to see it go to waste.

All of the sudden, an imposing figure loomed in the doorway. Thomas screamed, but quickly tried to cover it up by glaring at the scullery maid next to him. She glared back and returned to her drink.

The mysterious figure strolled regally to the counter beside Barrow. Thomas found the man's choice of apparel ghastly. However, and perhaps more terrifying to Thomas, the gilded armor was quite attractive on this dark-haired fellow.

"Excuse me, Earthing," said the stranger in a wildly, yet not intentionally, seductive voice. "I require a drink of your finest Ptemnolo."

The bartender, who before this stranger arrived, Thomas found to be rather attractive, became extremely flabbergasted at this odd request. "Er... Well Sir, I'm not sure we have any of... _that_... on tap. Would you like me to check in the back? Otherwise I would recommend our Brandy."

"No, No! I require Ptemnolo in order to regain my power!"

"Well Sir, I will check. The bartender exited leaving Thomas alone with the scullery maid, who was currently falling out of her stool, obviously passed out drunk.

Thomas turned to the stranger. "So... you aren't from around here, are you?"

"No, actually, my brother Thor has banished me from my kingdom and thrown me on to this pathetic planet."

Barrow, who conveniently had a considerable amount of knowledge about Norse mythology, understood exactly what he meant. "Well that would explain the dreary weather we've been having," Thomas muttered with a hint of his arrogant sarcasm. "So that would make you..." He quickly scanned his brain for the names of Thor's brothers. "Loki?"

"Yes, it is I, God of Mischief, and you, lowly human, shall now help me overthrow your measly government." Loki smiled triumphantly, but with a hint of devilishness.

For the first time in a while, Thomas was shocked. Because he adored mischief so much, Thomas readily agreed to this plan, and thought to himself how maybe this time he could end up on top. Scheming already, he noted in his mind how much he hated Americans. He could help Loki without sacrificing his precious homeland. Except...

"Loki, can you teleport? There is a large body of water between us and the power you seek."

Loki looked offended. "Of course! Do you doubt me, mortal?"

"Oh no!" Thomas quickly assured. "I was just not sure which of the awe inspiring legends about you were true. You never know which details those old, wise crack storytellers make up."

"That's understandable, but for future reference, I am an all powerful being."

"Noted, Sir."

"Ah, pish posh with formalities! Take my hand mortal."

Barrow almost peed his trousers. Never before had he been so attracted to someone else having power. Usually he blew into a rage of jealousy over people like Carson or Branson. But this... this was different. Cautiously, he took the partially-gloved god's hand.

"Wait a moment!" Loki exclaimed. "Where exactly are we going?"

"Uh..." Thomas stuttered, trying to remember how long it took him and Lord Grantham when they went a few months ago to visit Cora's loathsome brother. "Three-thousand, two-hundred kilometers westward!"

"You say this with such enthusiasm. Do you wish for your planet to be subject to my reign?"

"I only wish to be a part of it," Thomas answered. He secretly hoped to gain some of the leftover power.

"A fine aspiration, young one. Now, this may be a little bumpy." Suddenly Thomas seemed to be catapulting through time. Everything was dark, but he could tell, he was moving very quickly. He gripped Loki's hand tighter. Loki squeezed back in response. He had a nice hand.

At some point on this travel, Thomas realized he was either very lucky or very drunk.

After an indeterminable length, honestly it could have been a second or ten thousand seconds, Thomas found his feet on the ground. It was smoggy here, the trees covered in a haze of industrial flatulation. It looked like the Grim Reaper had breathed over the entire country. Disgusting. Yes, he despised America. However, he figured they'd have to stay longer than he would like; this probably wasn't the capital city. He mentioned this to Loki.

"What! You incompetent mortal! How dare you lead us on the wrong path! Are you completely ignorant? Or are you trying to take advantage of my godly abilities? You lying, scheming, fool!"

"No, no, sir. We are getting closer, I promise. I just may have been off on the exact geography."

"Then where are we?" Loki demanded.

"Well that sign says, 'Welcome to Cleveland,' so I'm going to assume Cleveland," Thomas answered with only a hint of sarcasm. He didn't want to anger the God of Mischief even more. From experience, he knew that plans driven by vengeance were particularly nasty.

Loki sighed. "How do we get to the capital then, from this Land of Cleves," he asked.

Barrow shrugged; he was unfamiliar with places in this foreign land beyond a small rich neighborhood in New York City, but he didn't voice this to Loki.

The god's stomach then growled, a sound that broke the silence of the midafternoon. "Human, I require some form of sustenance immediately."

Thomas glanced around. Thankfully, in the distance, he saw the glow of two golden arches. "How does McDonald's sound, My Lord?"

"Who is this Donald you speak of, and can he prepare food worthy of a god?"

"I'd say so," Barrow replied. He had only had the greasy food once while in New York with Lord Grantham who had pretty much despised every bite, saying it could never compare to Mrs. Pattmore's pumpkin dumplings. He, however, thought the food was rather tasty.

He nudged Loki to keep walking. Once the pair had reached McDonald's, glorious smells infiltrated their noses. Loki collapsed on the ground, a bow to the intense craving, and crawled to the counter.

"Hello," said the unusually nasally, yet uniquely monotonous voice of the attendant behind the counter. "Welcome to McDonalds. My name is Mindy. May I take your order?" Additionally, she talked about as fast as a slug.

"It's like heaven, but better, because I'm from heaven," Loki groaned reaching up to the counter. Mindy looked at him like he was insane. "I want it all!" Loki shouted.

Mindy stared at him sceptically. "Whatever." She began to ring up the incredibly long order. "That will be $32,476.34."

Thomas' jaw dropped. "I can't afford that!" he cried.

"Worry not, young mortal. You doubt the power of Loki!" He materialized his staff into his long fingers, the tesseract bulb glowing in the dingy light of the restaurant. The poked Mindy in the chest, causing her eyes to glaze over.

"All hail Loki."

"Yes, yes, I am fabulous. Now bring me my sustenance! Without cost to my dark demeanored friend. I'm sorry," Turned back to Thomas. "What is your name?"

"Barrow. Thomas Barrow," Thomas said darkly, slightly offended the god had not bothered to learn his name earlier.

"Yes, Master." Mindy droned.

They found a booth in the corner away from the screaming children and creepy old people. "So Loki," Thomas started. "I thought your brother, Thor, was known for his impeccable justice. It doesn't seem right to throw you here."

"As much as I agree with your statement, My pitiful brother cares not for my lust for domination. He thinks because I took over one tiny solar system that I'm a menace to Asgard!"

"What a shame."

"I know, right! My brother does not understand my hunger for power. So, in order to spite him, I've decided to make use of my time here. But you, lowly one, have understood me better than anyone else. Tell me why I found you drinking away your sorrows."

"Well, I haven't had much luck gaining power myself you see."

"That's a pity."

"Yes, but the worst part about my life is that the man I'm in love with hates my haircut! Now, granted, he doesn't like me very much, but that's no reason for him to tell me that my hair looks like naked mole rat..." Thomas sobbed. "I don't even know what that is!"

"If it makes you feel any better," Loki put a hand on Barrow's shoulder. "I don't either."

The two men fell into silence. "Gosh," Loki muttered. "That food is taking awhile! Maybe I should dispose of the cook."

"Do not take offense to this Sir, but that would be counterproductive. If the cook were dead, there would be nobody to prepare our food. You did order quite a bit. It may take them some time to prepare."

"Ah, Thomas, you are so intuitive. Where would I be on this bloody planet without you?"

"Why, thank you, My Lord. I only wish to be of... service. Therefore, I feel obliged to inform you about a delicate matter that could turn ugly very quickly."

"Go on."

"Do you see all those people there waiting in line?" Thomas pointed to a haphazard queue of people outside. Loki nodded. "They have come here because they are hungry. Once they discover that it was you that ordered enough food to close this restaurant, they may become violent."

"Oh, violent angry masses, I deal with them all the time." Loki rose from his seat, and started waving his arms toward the window in order to attract the attention of the mob. "Hear me, oh angry mob! I am the god Loki, and through the power vested in me by the powers of Asgard, I order you to leave this greasy heaven!"

Thomas sighed and put his head heavily in his hand. He had so much to teach this god. He decided to speak up. "Loki, this won't work. You may have to urge them in a more supernatural fashion."

"Excellent!" He pulled out his staff, and the crowd left, still screaming obscenities at Loki.

About two and a half hours later, their food finally arrived. Barrow slipped a hamburger under the table because he wasn't sure how much Loki would eat.

"Oh, my lower abdomen is in such pain!" Loki exclaimed an hour later.

"Perhaps you shouldn't have eaten that fifty-second cheeseburger."

"No matter. Now Barrow, come with me! Together we shall overtake this capital, and the universe!"

"With pleasure my lord."

_Fin _

**Don't forget! Review a couple name!**


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